Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
