sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
