Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize