is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
