Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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