you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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