Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
As shirtless as possible
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
