Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
