Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
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