So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I still have a little drunk in my system
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
