His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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