You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
