:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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