this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
