i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize