I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We left the knife in your bed.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
