I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
