i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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