Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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