So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
