Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
