At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
