never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
