he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize