smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
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