You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
