dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize