oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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