My Higher Power is John Stamos
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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