New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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