On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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