Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
is wine microwaveable?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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