I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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