My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
