Don't make out with my wife yet
grandma shit on top of the toilet
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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