You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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