i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
