Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
