Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
