Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
