Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
