his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize
