dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Drunk is not a location!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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