I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
