i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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