so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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