I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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