The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
