Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Dicks are not precious.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
