You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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