This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Randomize
