I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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