i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
