the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize