he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Pants are for mortals
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