this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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