i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
