he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
