A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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