so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I love you. Go after that dick
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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