I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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