I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
