oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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