You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
