Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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