This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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