I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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