so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
