he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
