How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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