so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
