dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize