Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
