Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
