her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
