I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
