God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
