just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
