i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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