the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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