So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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