Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
